Our Adoption Story

     My husband and I are strong advocates for adoption, so I feel it’s only right to share our story with hope of encouraging others to look into how they can support adoption.  I don't know if everyone is meant to adopt, but I do know that we are all called to help the orphans.  "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me’" (Matthew 25:40).  You have to decide how you are meant to answer that call in your own life.  At the end of this page, I will share some ways you can support adoption and care for the orphans.

     Our adoption story actually begins before Steve and I got married. We both love to talk and communicate, which means we have very little quiet time in our home.  We talk about anything and everything; always have.  In our pre-marriage discussions about how many kids we wanted, adoption was a topic.  Our plan was to have two or three (…or six!) kids then after they were a little older we wanted to adopt a school aged child.  I am not sure why we both felt the pull to adoption as neither of us know anyone who was adopted or who had adopted, but God had a plan.  We never thought our life would turn out how it has.

     After the wedding, we lived in Port Arthur, Texas and quickly discovered we had fertility issues.  Becoming pregnant wasn't going to be as easy as we hoped.  It seemed like almost everyone we knew was getting pregnant during this time, which only added to my despair and feeling of being alone in our struggles.  It took us a little over two years, countless doctor visits, and a move to Florida to finally find out we were pregnant with Lance—our miracle baby!  As a matter of fact, we were on a waiting list for in-vitro fertilization when we found out I was pregnant.  I even received a phone call shortly after having Lance to let us know we had made it to the top of the list and were ready to start the process.  Needless to say, we no longer needed of this service.  Now, if I had known there weren’t going to be any more pregnancies after Lance, I think I would have asked them to bump our names down on the list, but God had a plan.

     Even though I finally became pregnant, adoption was never far from our minds.  While pregnant with Lance, Oprah had a show about orphans wanting to be adopted.  I found myself on the edge of my seat watching and crying.  I called Steve at works in a puddle of tears telling him we needed to adopt some of these kids.  My heart was drawn toward these children and their needs—I longed to help them.  Even two days later when Steve came home from Coast Guard duty, my heart was still heavy for these kids. So we went on-line to look at their profiles.  This sparked the adoption discussion again even though we knew that wasn't the right time to do it.

     When Lance was nine months old, we decided it was time to start trying for the second child since it took us so long to become pregnant the first time.  At this time in our life, we had lots of friends in all different circumstances in regards to having kids so I felt a little less alone.  We had friends struggling with infertility, adopting, choosing in-vitro, and becoming pregnant naturally.  This time, we were optimistic about the opportunity of pregnancy and weren't shocked that it seemed to be taking a while.  Now, that being said, it was extremely hard to wait and of course I found myself doubting God's promise of more children.  There were lots of tears and sometimes-hopeless pleas to God to bless us with more children.  Infertility is such a painful process that can't truly be explained or understood unless you have experienced it firsthand. 

     After four years in Florida, I still was not pregnant again and we were set to move back to Texas.  I was a bit discouraged but had hoped that a move would result in a pregnancy like it had before, but this was not to be.  Shortly after getting to Texas, Steve was accepted to Officer Candidate School and was off to Connecticut for a little over four months.  While this was good news for us, it was also bad news for having another baby; can't get pregnant if we aren't together.  One nice thing about the separation is that had a small break from thinking about pregnancy, fertility, and all the struggles that accompany both.  I hoped that taking this break would be just what we needed to finally have another child.

     Once Steve finished OCS, we moved to Corpus Christi, Texas.  He quickly started talking about adoption and was ready to take the necessary steps to get this process started.  I, however, was not as eager.  It had nothing to do with wanting or not wanting to adopt, it was that I wasn't ready to give up my dream of pregnancy just yet.  For some reason, I felt adopting would be giving up that dream.  We didn’t know anyone at this time going through the adoption process so we were on our own in unknown territory.  After much prayer, I realized I could adopt and get pregnant, and that perhaps this was God's plan all along.  I asked myself; is this how I was going to have three (or six) kids?  As we started the adoption process, we were a bit overwhelmed by the number of adoption agencies and how different each one of them was.  Not only did the processes vary, but also the costs were crazy different from agency to agency. 

     We chose an agency that we felt aligned with our beliefs and our budget.  We made a life book for the birth-mothers to look at to aid them in choosing a family for their babies.  I love to scrapbook, so making this book was not only fun, but also actually therapeutic.  My self-worth had taken a bit of a hit while dealing with infertility.  I felt that maybe God didn't think I was a good parent, or that I wasn't worthy of having any more kids.  Making this book helped me focus on the positive parenting skills we had and truly helped me get past some of my negative thoughts.  I now felt optimistic and knew we were on the path God had planned for us.  However, satan clearly knew this and started attacking immediately.  During this time, we were told that no one was really looking at our life book.  Most of the birth-moms were looking for a family that lived near them so they could stay in contact with the baby.  This is not something we could offer since Steve is in the military and we move around a lot. The discouragement was almost more than my heart could bear.  But, God had a plan.

     In a last ditch effort to stay with this agency we went to a seminar they were having for potential adoptive parents, adoptive parents, as well as other agencies.  It was an amazing seminar, and very informative.  Most of the information was lost on me, however.  I was late and just knew that I was pregnant.  Needless to say, I found out that was not the case when the cramps set in.  I was so upset I left during one of the sessions and went to the store to get away.  When I got back, Steve was talking to two nice ladies from another agency.  After speaking with one of them I found out we had a lot in common.  We actually grew up in the same area and knew many of the same people.  We told them about our disappointment we were experiencing with our current agency and that we weren't sure what to do.  They gave us one of their business cards and told us to call if we need anything.  They had to excuse themselves from the rest of the seminar because one of their birth-mothers had given birth and they had to get to the hospital.

     Steve and I spent the rest of the weekend discussing out situation and brain storming some solutions.  We were only stationed in Corpus Christi for about 18 months so we knew our time was running short to complete an adoption before we moved.  After much prayer and discussion, we decided to call the ladies we had met at the seminar.  So, Monday morning I called and asked them to send us their information packet and tell them we are thinking about changing agencies.  After a brief conversation they said they would put the packet in the mail that day and they looked forward to hearing from us.  Tuesday they called us back with a question.  They wanted to know if race was a factor in our adoption decision, to which I replied, "I don't care if the baby is purple, we are just going for human."  They proceed to tell us the story of the baby that had been born while they were at the seminar and how the family that had decided to adopt him seemed to be changing their minds.  They alluded to the fact that he may be available for adoption and instructed us to talk it over and call them back the next day.

     We discussed in depth and then decided to discuss this with our four-year-old son as well.  We knew that the baby’s biological mother was Hispanic and Caucasian while the biological father was African-American, but we didn't know what the baby’s skin color looked like.  We tried to explain to Lance that we might be bringing a baby home that had darker skin than him, and asked him how he would feel about that.  His face became very upset and then he put his hand on his hip saying in a very disgusted voice, "he would still be my brother, you know!"  At this point my husband and I became a blubbering mess of tears.  We hugged him, cried, and decided to call our parents to let them know about the baby and find out how they felt.  They were of course on board and excited for us.  We called the agency on Wednesday and said we were on board, faxed all of our paperwork to them, washed all the baby stuff we could, packed up the car, and drove to my parent’s house in Houston.

     We wake up Thursday morning after little sleep and drive straight to Wal-Mart to buy a few necessities, like a car seat, and head over to the agency.  We walk in; Steve, me, Lance, and my mom to meet the most precious little baby.  I am crying to just typing about it.  It was a feeling that words cannot describe.  He was so tiny…and perfect…and beautiful…and OURS!  I struggled to let anyone else hold him, including Steve.  I could have stared at his precious little face forever, just like when the nurse placed Lance in my arms for the first time after I gave birth to him.  These two boys came into our family and my heart in two very different ways, but the overwhelming feelings of love, joy, blessing, and happiness were just them same.  We asked what the birth parents had named the baby, and were told they named him Anthony Lance.  We were shocked!  Our oldest son is Robert Lance, but goes by Lance.  What are the chances our boys would share the same middle name without our orchestration?  Needless to say we kept the name and decided to call him Tony. 

     We took Tony home to my parent's house first and my best friend, Jenn, is waiting in front of the house with two or three huge bags from Babies R Us; gosh I love that girl!  As I stated before, I was struggling to let anyone else hold the baby, and when I did, it was just for short times.  Another one of my friends came by to meet Tony and I finally let her hold him for only a few minutes.  As soon as I walked away he began to fuss a bit and didn't stop until I returned and put him back in my arms.  Now, I had always wondered how long it would take before an adopted child knew I was Mommy.  I knew that I would attach immediately, but was nervous about how long it might take the child.  I took Tony's fussing as a sign that he already knew I was his mommy.  My heart was happy and full. 

     As I mentioned before, time was a concern for us because we knew we were scheduled to transfer.   When a person adopts a baby, the process isn't complete until the child has been in the home with the adoptive parents for six months.  The clock was ticking, but this is how God works; we went before the judge in April to finalize our adoption, and the very next day drove to South Carolina to hunt for a house in our new assignment.  God's timing is perfect, not always our timing, but perfect all the same.  He orchestrated this whole thing requiring our faith and trust, all while caring for us, and Tony, and meeting all of our needs.  Our God is truly an awesome God!

     So, now I can imagine you asking…how can we support and care for the orphans of this world?  I am so glad you asked; let me tell you some ways.  There is of course, the obvious, which is to adopt them.  However, let’s look at some other ways a person can help.  One way is to help those you know who are currently adopting whether through monetary means and/or gifts, or meals, or emotional support.  You have no idea what it means to families that are in the adoption process to have people love and support them—physically, emotionally, and financially.  There are orphanages in our country as well as others that are always in need of funding and support as well.  On any given day in the United States, there are approximately 400,000 children in foster care.  Some of these children are living in foster homes, but others are living in foster care facilities.  You can seek certification to become foster parents and foster any of these children.  If you don’t like this idea, you can make yourself available for respite care for children in the system that just need a short term family to stay with until placed in a permanent home or while their current foster family is away.  My husband and I have been certified foster parents for the last few years and have loved it, but that is another story for another page (standby for more).  There are also programs at some of the foster care facilities that will allow you to be involved in these children's lives by visiting, tutoring, etc…  Some facilities will even let you take a child or two home for the weekend.  As you can see, there are a lot of ways you can care for the orphan, and even more than I have listed here.  I encourage all of you to find a way to do your part.  “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you” (John 14:18).