Stacy Morris: The Word "No"

What is it about the word “no,” that causes us such turmoil? Does this word cause us physical harm? Can it end our life? Will the world cease to exist if we are told “no?” Well, we all know the answer to these questions, and the answer is the very word we dislike…no. Somehow we have made this word the bad guy, when in fact this word gives us power, helps us to develop character, gives us boundaries, and allows us to grow. We have a false sense of fear when it comes to this word, so let’s dive into it.

I am the coordinator of the Cityserve ministry at Citymark Church. Cityserve is our local outreach program. I am eye-brow deep in the planning of National Orphan Sunday, which is November 8th and our church wide outreach, which is during the beginning of December (clearly I wrote this one a few weeks back, just go with it). At this point I need about 10 of me, but I am thankful that God can do so much more than 10 of me could ever do! Can I get an amen? During the planning of our outreach I have been making a lot of phone calls asking permission to do certain things for our outreach. Needless to say I have heard the word “no” more in the past month than I probably have my entire life. I find myself dreading some of these phone calls when I know the ultimate outcome is going to be, “no.” I have to regroup at the end of each call and get myself together before making another one. It is like I am allowing this word to make me feel like I am failing, when in fact it is really just directing me toward the places that have the “yes” I am looking for.

Isn’t that what “no” does? It keeps us from what we should not do or should not have and directs us towards what was meant to be. It guides us towards the goal while preventing us from straying off the path. This is why I use that word with my kids—even if they really believe it is because I want to ruin their lives and make them absolutely miserable. I tell them “no” to protect them, teach them, guide them, and love them. I tell them all the time, “If I didn’t love you, I would let you do whatever you want.” Sometimes they wish I didn’t love them so much.

As I have mentioned before in previous posts, I sell a line of natural health and wellness products called Plexus. I believe in these products with my whole heart and I know they can really help people. If I didn’t believe, I guarantee you; I would not be taking them or selling them. The thing that stops me from sharing with people about these wonderful products is the fear of rejection; the fear of being told “no.” Even though my belief is well grounded and my faith in these products is strong, I still fear the “no.” I mean seriously, what is going to happen to me if they say no? Ok, let me think, hmmmm…NOTHING! It’s almost like a phobia. Here is Dictionary.com’s definition of Phobia: “A persistent, abnormal, or irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid the feared stimulus. A strong fear, dislike, or aversion.” This is exactly how I feel about the word, “no.”

I don’t even like to use the word no, regardless of what my kids may think. It makes me uncomfortable to have to tell people that I can’t do something. It makes me feel weak, or selfish, or even rude. I can get myself into a whole mess-of-trouble when I refuse to say no to something or someone. A dear friend once told me that when I have to say no to something that what I am really doing is giving someone else the opportunity to be blessed. If I never say “no,” then I am hogging all of the blessings for myself and in fact, being selfish. I really try to remember this—and perhaps chant it to myself—each time I have to say “no.” I read a book called “The Best Yes” by Lysa TerKeurst. I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Finding our best yes means having so say no to things that fall short of being the best. It means that we aren’t saying no because we can’t do something, or because we don’t want to do something, but rather because it is not a part of God’s best plan for us at that time. If you think about it, saying no can mean we are being smart about our decisions, not weak, or selfish, or rude.

In the words of the great theologian, Garth Brooks, he reminds us in his song “Unanswered Prayers” that God tells us “no” all the time, but sometimes we interpret that as unanswered prayers. God answers, but sometimes when we don’t like the answer, we ignore Him and keep searching for the answer that we want, not need. When we hear no we need to thank Him for guiding us and showing us the way. It’s like we are toddlers or teenage girls, just trying to get our own way at any cost. God ALWAYS has our best interests at heart—ALWAYS—we need to trust that, trust Him, and follow.

This aversion to the word no is going to have to stop. I am going to have to put in the work myself to change my thinking about this word. When I am counting my blessings each day I am going to start counting that word as one of them. With Plexus we are told to go out each day and get our “no’s.” Each no brings us one step closer to a “yes.” I am going to change my mind to this way of thinking. Now I better go get back on that phone and go get my “No’s” for the day.

Here is a picture from Orphan Sunday at our church. Powerful, powerful day!!