TMI Pitfalls

As I have stated many times before, I am a TMI-girl. I seem to share too much information about myself from time-to-time. Looking at my family, I am not quite sure where this particular trait came from, but it is definitely evident in me for sure. I probably need to wear a shirt that reads, “THE TMI IS STRONG IN THIS ONE!” Just as a warning to those I come in contact with. Though this is a trait I am generally fond of, it comes with some pitfalls and pains at times.

Being a TMI-girl means I am not a great keeper of my secrets. I try to have secrets, but eventually they all come spilling out. When I was a little girl my Dad and I went on a camping trip with our Indian Princess group. It was an awesome weekend filled with horseback riding, camp fires, and lots of laughs. One night around the campfire my Dad had a cigar with some of the other dads. He instructed me on the way home not to tell my mother, and I agreed not to tell. As soon as I got home I ran inside and immediately and uncontrollably told my mother every detail before my Dad even made it in the house. Needless to say, I was not on good terms with Dad for the rest of the day. 

Now that I am older, I have become better at keeping other people’s secrets, but I still can’t keep my own. Letting people into your secrets can be a dangerous thing sometimes. I have learned this the hard way for sure. When I am open and honest with my shortcomings, my failures, and my bad habits, it opens me up for judgment and criticism. Admitting these things can make me seem weak to some, but I believe it is actually a strength. I may share too much, but no one could accuse me of being fake or secretive. I am who I am and that is just how God made me.

As much as I need to share all of my stuff, I am really good at not sharing other people’s information; my family gets excluded from this though. I do not like gossip and I always try my best to steer clear of being a part of it. I would never want to share something about anyone that would cause them pain or embarrassment. A side note here; I love to share embarrassing stories about my children regularly! I tell them all the time that I waited a long time and had to work really hard to have children to embarrass, so I do not want to waste any opportunities.

When my husband was called into the ministry, I quickly realized my TMI needed to be reined in a bit. I struggled to find a way to still be me and not share everything. I do not want to share anything that could be misunderstood and hurt my husband’s ministry in any way. I had to find a way to be open-and-honest without sharing every single detail of me with anyone-and-everyone within a 50-mile radius. I had to learn how to share in a way that is pleasing to God. I also had to learn how to share about me and not my husband—which is easier said than done. So much about me is intertwined with him that it can be hard to share something about me without divulging too much about him. I am still a work in progress. I have been meditating on a couple of verses to help me…

“Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.” 

Proverbs 21:23

“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.”

 Psalm 141:3

Another pitfall is how I relate to others. Since I share everything, I struggle to connect with people who share very little. I struggle to understand them and find any common ground. In recent years, I find that God has put a lot of these people in my path; so I guess He is trying to teach me to be better in this area. A few years back, I met a lovely woman named Pam. I was immediately drawn to her, but for some reason felt like I could not connect with her. We traveled down a bumpy road to connection, but we made it to the other side. One weekend, we were talking about how she had been trying to hide some of the things about herself she felt were displeasing and pretended like she had it all together. That is when it hit me; this was the reason we were not connecting. I told her I loved messy people. I love to get in the ditches and pits with people and walk with them out of it. This is real life, and that is what connects me to people. Some people like to people watch; I like to link arms with them and walk side-by-side through the ups and downs of life.

There have been times I wish I was not such an over-sharer; times I wished I could have just turned it off. Now, I know it is a gift, and one I need to be thankful for. Some people truly struggle to tell people their story, and let them into the inner most parts of themselves. I believe that can be a very lonely place to be. True community happens when we get our hands dirty together and do the hard work of this life. It takes a brave person to be honest about who they are, and then share their honesty with others. I think being true to who we are is freedom. Freedom from shame, guilt, degradation, and even pain. Oddly enough, I have discovered that many times my honesty and TMI actually makes others feel better about themselves. They either feel like they are not alone in their struggles or like they are not doing so bad compared to me. Either way, my struggles can help others and that is worth any backlash I may receive for sharing.

All in all, I am thankful for my TMI ways. Like any gift, it is how I use it that matters. So, I pray the Lord uses my failures, my shortcomings, my missteps, and all my other dirty laundry to help others on their journey. I believe that nothing should be wasted. I always tell my kids when they make a mistake not to waste it by not learning from it. How much better would it be for people to learn from my mistakes so they do not have to make them. My Father-in-Law told my husband, “if you can learn from your mistakes, you are doing good. If you can learn from others’ mistakes, you are doing great.”

This is me trying to rein in my TMI in front of a wonderful group of ladies.