Wise Words

     Many people come and go through our lives as friends or acquaintances and each one of them leave a lasting mark.  Some marks are good and some marks are more like scars, but they all give us character and help shape who we are.  I try to take something away from each person that will help me on my journey, even if it is only what not to do.  I find that many times the people I get the most from seem to be the ones that are more on the quiet side, perhaps this should be a lesson for me—maybe a lesson for another day!  My father-in-law was one of those people, quiet and wise.  He passed away over 12 years ago, but his words and actions are with me everyday.  “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future” Proverbs 19:20

     He had a way of encouraging me without ever uttering a word.  A gentle pat on the back or leg, or maybe a wink from across the room, or maybe it was just his presence.  I don’t think this is a trait that can be learned, I think it was just who he was.  When he did use words of encouragement I held onto them and cherished them in my heart—still do.  Most of the time it was something simple like, “you are doing a good job”, “I am proud of you”, or “you are a good mommy.”  These things meant more to me than he probably ever knew.  There are also sayings we still use that came directly from him and we pass them onto our children.  Things like “no mullygrubing”,  “finish what you start”, and the one we use the most “don’t ever let anyone steal your happiness,” the last one is the one I want to discuss today.

     One of the things Tony struggles with is spending too much time focused on others; what others are doing, saying, thinking, etc…  Now, many of you could probably say the same thing about your children, but he is a bit different.  The best way I can describe Tony is, he is just like all other kids his age, just more.  He is more loving, more angry, more distracted, more focused, more tenderhearted, more frustrated, etc...  So when I say he focuses too much on others what I really mean is that he hyper-focuses more on others.  He wants everyone to follow the same rules exactly the same way and if someone is even slightly off he really struggles.  We spend a large amount of time trying to work through this and teach him to handle it, but we see very little progress so far.

     So, last night while tucking him into bed and having our sweet discussion time about the upcoming week, I remind him to make it “the most super-awesome-spectacular week ever.”  Then he proceeds to tell me about a little boy in his class, let’s call him Charlie, who is driving him crazy.  He says, “Charlie is always making people lose it and have bad days.”  So I ask him, “Who is in charge of how Charlie acts?”  He replies, “Charlie is.”  Then I ask, “Who is in charge of how you act?”  He replies (with a bit of an eye roll) “I am, but Charlie really makes it hard for me”.  I proceed to explain to him that he shouldn’t give Charlie so much control, and that he needs to take his control back.  Then it comes to me, “Don’t ever let anyone steal your happiness."  I tell Tony he needs to be in charge of his own happiness and not to give it away to anyone.  I tell him, for the millionth time, that this was Grandpa’s saying and we need to carry it in our hearts and live it out everyday, just like Grandpa would want us to.  I was feeling really good about our chat and feeling like I had made an impact on him.  I was thankful to God for allowing my father-in-law to be in my life even if just for a short while.  I was teary just thinking that even though my father-in-law never got to meet Tony that he was still having a profound impact on him.

     So, my son gets up this morning and tells me he is going to tell Charlie to stop being a thief.  I immediately ask him what he is talking about; mornings are hard enough without forcing me to think and remember a conversation from the night before.   He proceeds to explain to me that since Charlie has been stealing his happiness he is going to call him a thief and tell him to stop it as soon as he sees him.  Mortified, I realize he took my conversation last night to a whole new level of “literal interpretation.”  I quickly explain that Charlie is not a thief and that he is not to say this to him, he is just to stop giving away his control.  So perhaps I should take this opportunity to apologize to his teachers for what I may have caused today!  Some days I just feel really awesome about how I am doing this whole mommy thing!