Not Lost On Me

    As I was cleaning my bathroom today I noticed this scene on the ledge of my bathtub.

Now to some of you this is just toys that need to be put away, a mess that needs to be picked up, perhaps a sign of a mom who is behind on her duties, but I assure you it is so much more. These dolls represent answered prayers and blessings God has poured into our lives. They are the constant reminders of a home filled with love, laughter, screaming, giggles, splashes of water all over the bathroom, hugs and kisses, and a family made by God. As I see the dolls on the side of my tub I almost hate to put them away. My precious little girl has placed them there strategically to dry them out before their next play date. She even laid out one of their swimsuits "like mommy does" so it will dry out before it is to be worn again. My heart is full and I am overwhelmed with thankfulness as my eyes begin to leak down my cheeks. The privilege of being her mom is not lost on me in this moment.

    For the sake of honesty, I must admit that I do not always look at my kid's toys and messes and become overwhelmed with thankfulness. Many times, I have overwhelming feelings, they just aren't thankful ones. For example, when I walk into my middle son's room and find this…

This death trap he calls Legos! The feelings I have usually involve screams of pain (as I have certainly stepped on a few of them), words that can only be thought because my children are in the room, and the desire for a large black trash bag to the rid me of this horror. Then there are times I peak around the corner and catch him building and pretending with his precious Legos and remember why we keep buying them for him. My heart once again is filled with joy and I forget the agonizing pain of stepping on one of those horrid little pieces. I remember how blessed we are to have him, love him, and raise him everyday. The privilege of being his mom is not lost on me in this moment.

    Then, of course, I turn to leave his room and am assaulted by the sight of my teenage son's room and my thankfulness begins to fade.

What does that boy do in his sleep? What do you think is in that cup, and how long has it been in there? And for the love of all things sacred, what is that smell? A teenage boy's room is not for the faint of heart. As I stand there, holding my nose, fuming inside because he simply cannot keep his room straight, I suddenly remember he is 16. In two more years I will not get to see this mess anymore (accept during holidays and summers). I will not be bombarded with the banging of his drums or the shooting sounds from his video games or even the sound of his voice yelling at his siblings for entering his pigpen he calls a bedroom without his permission. I am suddenly grateful for the mess, not the smell, and choose to take in the sights for they are quickly coming to an end. And, then, I yell for him to come clean his pigpen, because I am the mom and that's what I do! But the privilege of being his mom is not lost on me in this moment.

    I am blessed to be the mom of three precious, loud, messy, amazing children. Our children did not come to our family easily. It was a long difficult road that sometimes felt treacherous and lonely, but it lead to abundant blessings I wouldn't trade for the world.  “I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him” (1 Samuel 1:27).  All I ever wanted to be was a wife and mom. The fact that the Lord has been faithful to me and granted me what I asked is truly miraculous. The privilege of being their mom is not lost on me.

The Word "No"

What is it about the word “no,” that causes us such turmoil? Does this word cause us physical harm? Can it end our life? Will the world cease to exist if we are told “no?” Well, we all know the answer to these questions, and the answer is the very word we dislike…no. Somehow we have made this word the bad guy, when in fact this word gives us power, helps us to develop character, gives us boundaries, and allows us to grow. We have a false sense of fear when it comes to this word, so let’s dive into it.

I am the coordinator of the Cityserve ministry at Citymark Church.  Cityserve is our local outreach program.  I am eye-brow deep in the planning of National Orphan Sunday, which is November 8th and our church wide outreach, which is during the beginning of December (clearly I wrote this one a few weeks back, just go with it).  At this point I need about 10 of me, but I am thankful that God can do so much more than 10 of me could ever do!  Can I get an amen? During the planning of our outreach I have been making a lot of phone calls asking permission to do certain things for our outreach.  Needless to say I have heard the word “no” more in the past month than I probably have my entire life. I find myself dreading some of these phone calls when I know the ultimate outcome is going to be, “no.” I have to regroup at the end of each call and get myself together before making another one.  It is like I am allowing this word to make me feel like I am failing, when in fact it is really just directing me toward the places that have the “yes” I am looking for.

Isn’t that what “no” does? It keeps us from what we should not do or should not have and directs us towards what was meant to be. It guides us towards the goal while preventing us from straying off the path. This is why I use that word with my kids—even if they really believe it is because I want to ruin their lives and make them absolutely miserable. I tell them “no” to protect them, teach them, guide them, and love them. I tell them all the time, “If I didn’t love you, I would let you do whatever you want.” Sometimes they wish I didn’t love them so much.

As I have mentioned before in previous posts, I sell a line of natural health and wellness products called Plexus. I believe in these products with my whole heart and I know they can really help people. If I didn’t believe, I guarantee you; I would not be taking them or selling them. The thing that stops me from sharing with people about these wonderful products is the fear of rejection; the fear of being told “no.” Even though my belief is well grounded and my faith in these products is strong, I still fear the “no.”  I mean seriously, what is going to happen to me if they say no? Ok, let me think, hmmmm…NOTHING! It’s almost like a phobia.  Here is Dictionary.com’s definition of Phobia:  “A persistent, abnormal, or irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid the feared stimulus. A strong fear, dislike, or aversion.” This is exactly how I feel about the word, “no.”

I don’t even like to use the word no, regardless of what my kids may think. It makes me uncomfortable to have to tell people that I can’t do something. It makes me feel weak, or selfish, or even rude. I can get myself into a whole mess-of-trouble when I refuse to say no to something or someone. A dear friend once told me that when I have to say no to something that what I am really doing is giving someone else the opportunity to be blessed. If I never say “no,” then I am hogging all of the blessings for myself and in fact, being selfish. I really try to remember this—and perhaps chant it to myself—each time I have to say “no.” I read a book called “The Best Yes” by Lysa TerKeurst.  I cannot recommend this book highly enough.  Finding our best yes means having so say no to things that fall short of being the best. It means that we aren’t saying no because we can’t do something, or because we don’t want to do something, but rather because it is not a part of God’s best plan for us at that time. If you think about it, saying no can mean we are being smart about our decisions, not weak, or selfish, or rude.

In the words of the great theologian, Garth Brooks, he reminds us in his song “Unanswered Prayers” that God tells us “no” all the time, but sometimes we interpret that as unanswered prayers. God answers, but sometimes when we don’t like the answer, we ignore Him and keep searching for the answer that we want, not need. When we hear no we need to thank Him for guiding us and showing us the way. It’s like we are toddlers or teenage girls, just trying to get our own way at any cost. God ALWAYS has our best interests at heart—ALWAYS—we need to trust that, trust Him, and follow.

This aversion to the word no is going to have to stop. I am going to have to put in the work myself to change my thinking about this word. When I am counting my blessings each day I am going to start counting that word as one of them. With Plexus we are told to go out each day and get our “no’s.”  Each no brings us one step closer to a “yes.” I am going to change my mind to this way of thinking. Now I better go get back on that phone and go get my “No’s” for the day.

Here is a picture from Orphan Sunday at our church. Powerful, powerful day!!

The hubs and I being introduced by our pastor Steven Yoes...getting ready to do our thang!

My family of chosen ones!

These people are the hands and feet of Jesus reaching out to care for the orphans!

Secrets Revealed

Shhh….I have a secret! Before I divulge my secret, let me start by saying that I love organization! I could literally organize people’s homes for a living. When I walk into my closet or open a cabinet I am usually thinking about how I can reorganize it to make it more functional. It is possible that I secretly reorganize other people’s things in my mind as well—perhaps. Add my organizational addiction to my husband’s motto, “every thing has a place, every place has a thing”, and my kids have no hope of being normal.  Just last week I was in CVS Pharmacy with my little miss sassy-pants.  I was searching for just the right cold remedy when I looked up to make sure she was still next to me. I found her just a few feet away from me reorganizing the TV character beanie babies and sorting them by TV show—that’s my girl!

Ok, so here is my confession.  With a family of five I do not always have time to do the mundane organizational tasks. My desk is constantly ignored and neglected when it comes to organization. I said I like to organize, NOT file.  For some reason filing makes me crazy and I find myself avoiding it like the plague. This struggle of mine does not make my husband a happy man. As a matter of fact, I am pretty sure it drives him stark raving crazy. His undiagnosed OCD cannot handle this level of chaos. We just had a conversation about this today and he told me I just needed to discipline myself and have a filing day like I have a laundry day.  I explained to him that like laundry, once I finish filing, there is just more to be done—everyday! The difference in laundry and filing is that no one in my family is running around naked because I have not filed.

As I have shared before in previous posts, my desk is right inside my front door.  The first impression people have of my house is my office, and front and center in my office is my desk and all of its glory. I want to keep it clean and neat and organized, really I do, if only that didn’t require filing! My husband has recently found a solution to my lack of organization, and his solution is driving me crazy—like right now, I’m crazy as I sit here and type to all of you lovelies.  Let me illustrate this thorn in my side:

The first picture is the view of my desk from the door.  The second picture is the view of my desktop from where I sit.  It all looks so nice, tidy, clean and organized.  This desk however is hiding a big disgusting secret…and here it is:

This is what it looks like under my desk.  GASP!!!  I have no words for the horror that lives at my feet under my desk. Hi, my name is Stacy, and I hide instead of file.

This horrible display began about a month ago.  We where having people over and the top of my desk was messy.  Well, honestly, my desktop wasn’t too bad, but my inbox, which is a basket, was piled high and overflowing. My husband, in an effort to help clean up, tucked the inbox under my desk to conceal my mess. Well, now that it was out-of-sight, out-of-mind, it just stayed there. Now it has grown to an obnoxious mess that gives me heart palpations and the sweats. It is making my time at my desk miserable, so I just take my laptop into other rooms. When the mess becomes too much, avoidance is simply the only way.

Anyone who has been to my house and happened to see inside of any of my cabinets knows how I like to have things just so.  I have “Sleeping with the Enemy” tendencies, if you know what I mean. Now that I have put this dirty little secret out there, I have no choice but to spend a day (or a week) filing and organizing this mountainous mess. Pray for me friends. If you don’t hear from me after a few days, send in reinforcements!

Fierce Love

I love my children with fierce love! This does not mean that I am blind to who they are. It simply means that I know them completely and love them anyway. I know who and what they are and I am committed to helping them become the best version of themselves. I look out for their best interest and teach them how to do that for themselves. I see their potential and consistently help them reach it. I know their faults, their shortcomings, their struggles, and their weaknesses, yet love them through it all. I teach them to recognize these traits in themselves and to use this recognition to make personal improvements. My love is not blind, but instead a fully aware love!

We are a family that loves to share! I say it all the time; we are a TMI (Too Much Information) family…and proud of it. When I was growing up, I always shared my TMI with my Mom...still do! Now that I am a parent, I am on the other end of these TMI moments with my kids and I consider it a blessing! I am aware they don’t share everything with me. In fact, I am certain nobody shares everything about themselves with anyone—other than God. I do believe that my kids share the important things, the fun things, the inconsequential things, and the silly things; which bonds us together in a way that I could never explain. Like me and my parents, my children know they can trust me with their secrets, their dreams, their anger, their frustrations, their disappointments, their struggles, and their fears. They know I will not betray them and that my only goal is to help them. They know I will not cast judgment on them or anyone they may be talking about. My job is to listen, share, guide, teach, coach, discipline, and pray...lots-and-lots of prayer.

I know my children are far from perfect, I see them everyday! My hope and prayer is that through our relationship they will learn to do life better than I have. I am preparing them to live better, love better, serve better, and be better than I could ever be. Isn't that what we all want for our kids, to have a better life than we did? We want them to learn from our mistakes so they are free to make different mistakes to learn and grow from.  To live their life to the fullness that God would have for them. “Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

Our Pastor recently finished a message series titled “Losing Your Marbles.” His focus was that each marble represents time we have with our children. In this case, one marble represents a week of time and it counts down from birth to high school graduation, or any significant goal or benchmark. The cornerstone scripture was Psalm 90:12, “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” It is sobering to think about this and face the fact that I have a 16 year old with less than 100 marbles! This message forces me to ask myself hard questions.

Am I being intentional with my time spent with my kids?

Am I teaching them all that God would have them learn from me?

Am I wasting my weeks with my kids being too busy to pour into them?

Am I doing enough, saying enough, loving enough, and teaching enough?

Whew, my head hurts! I think I’m going to lose my marbles! These are hard questions with some very uncomfortable answers. I encourage y’all to ask yourself these same questions and see how you feel you are doing.  It is always good to conduct a self-check to make sure we are hitting the marks that need to be hit, “making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:16).

*This picture may be a bit old, but these are my babies whom I love fiercely with my whole heart!