Lessons From a Foster-Toddler

      As I watch my little girl play at the park, I am struck by her strength and courage.  There is no structure she won’t climb, no height she won’t conquer, no dare-devil act she seems to fear.  Being my foster-daughter, it makes me think of her rough beginnings and how she could have been.  She could have been fearful, timid, and insecure.  In fact, she was those things when we got her over two years ago.  But now, she is brave, confident, bold, and secure.   She amazes me everyday with what she is capable of, but today I am in awe of her and all that she has become in her short little life.

She approaches life with a determination that I envy from time-to-time.  Her confidence in herself is a beautiful thing to watch.  Her confidence in me is downright humbling.  She climbed up to the mid-level platform on the tallest play structure and yelled, “Mommy, get me!” and jumped, even before she could see if I was ready to catch her.  Lucky for her, I was ready.  She quickly jumps out of my arms and runs off to the next thing with full belief that I am right behind her, even though she never looked back to check.  She simply trusts that I will always be there for her, whether it is to catch her, chase her, or to kiss away her boo-boos; she has no doubt.  She trusts me with it all.  I dread the day when I can no longer fix it all for her, and catch her when she falls, but I am secure in my faith that we have a God that will never fail her!

I find myself with mixed emotions as I watch her today, all of which are bringing me to tears this afternoon at the park.  I am so happy to see her soaring high and growing into such an amazing girl.  I am blessed to have been chosen to be a part of her life and to be able to teach, love, hold, and even discipline her.  I have a front row seat to her amazing life and I love the ride.  On the other hand, I am also sad for how her life began and the things going on she doesn’t even know about.  No one should have to endure such rough beginnings.  Since she is still our foster daughter I cannot share her story…yet, but I can say that from rough beginnings have come a beautiful story of triumph, love, faith, and strength that I am blessed to be a part of.  Then there is the fear for the day when I can no longer catch her and I will have to watch her stumble and maybe even fall.  She will not be this little for long, and she will not always need me right there to catch her, chase her, and kiss away her boo boos.   

Watching her, I realize how my own faith could use a little work.  She trusts me, a mere human, with her whole heart—with her whole being.  Why do I struggle to trust God whole-heartedly in everything I do and all that I need?  Why am I always looking back and checking in to see if He is still there?  Why when I lose sight of Him for a second do I doubt?  Perhaps I need some lessons in faith from my toddler!  God calls us to trust, believe, and place our faith in Him, for EVERYTHING.

“Trust in the Lord forever, For in the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock”  (Isaiah 26:4).

“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge”  (Psalm62:8).

“’Have faith in God,’ Jesus answered”  (Mark 11:22).

“Very truly I tell you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be judged but has crossed over from death to life”  (John 5:24).

            God’s word is clear, and yet I struggle.  I understand faith, what it is, how it is to be used, and the reasons behind it; yet the practice of it is often more difficult than I expect.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see”  (Hebrews 11:1).

            So today instead of teaching my sweet girl about life, she is teaching me, without even knowing what she is doing.  She is a living example of the faith I need.  Before having kids I thought it was my job to teach them, but I soon realized they teach me just as much, if not more, than I could ever teach them.  Life is an amazing journey of faith, live it to the full!

Shoes

I know you’re asking…why shoes? The answer…because it can’t all be deep and meaningful.  Sometimes it has to be real, a bit selfish, and maybe even shallow.  But in the end, there is meaning, I promise!  So, today the topic is shoes, let’s just see where it takes us.  Why do I love shoes so much?  What is it about shoes that draws me in and beckons me to spend money?  What is it with this obsession?  With every change of season I find myself feeling the need to shop for shoes.  That being said, if you recall from an earlier post, some think I am cheap; I like to consider myself thrifty.  This translates into several pairs of cheap shoes instead of one expensive pair!  I feel like since I spend less per pair, it justifies me buying more…and more.  This obsession is not just limited to my shoes, my kid’s shoes fall into this as well…except for Lance because I simply cannot deal with his teenage pickiness—he’s on his own!

I truly love shoes for all seasons, but summer shoes are, by far, my favorite.  I love the open-toed, airy, light; barely there feel of summer shoes.  Though I am admittedly obsessed with shoes, I would prefer to be barefoot—what is wrong with me?  If I don’t have to wear shoes, I do not!  I feel barefoot is simply the best, which is probably why summer shoes are my favorite.  Since most places require me to wear shoes, I must spend hours searching and shopping for just the right pair (or 10) of cheap shoes.  Now with the open-toed barely there shoes comes the need for painted toenails and smooth heals, but that is another blog post for another day.

My shoe obsession is making it practically impossible to get any work done on my computer lately.  Every time I sit down at my desk my web browser just automatically goes to shoe websites.  I try to fight it, but alas I end up spending an incalculable amount of time browsing the shoes.  Even Facebook is in on this, as they keep putting shoe adds on the right side of my home page.  Basically this is just my way of saying it isn’t my fault, the universe clearly wants me to shop for shoes.  Do you think my husband is buying any of this?  Yeah, me neither, but you can’t blame a girl for trying.  It’s like everywhere I turn there is a shoe ad, a picture of someone wearing cute shoes, or a coupon for a discount on shoes.  Which reminds me, I have until the end of today to use my shoe coupon…hmmm…maybe blogging can wait.

Sorry, back to what I was saying.  I was browsing Facebook the other day trying my best not to look at the right side of my screen, which is clearly telling me to shoe shop.  I decide to watch a video posted by Brandon Hatmaker.  Certainly this will get my mind off shoes right?  Wrong!  The video is about Him and Jen (notice I just call her Jen, like we are close friends.  Some might find this stalkerish, but I just know we would be best of friends if we ever actually met, so I am just going to pretend like we are already friends) and their church providing shoes for the homeless….yep, shoes!  Of all the things they could have collected then given away, it had to be shoes!

I decided to watch the video all the way though and ended up in a puddle of tears.  Now I want to go donate all of my precious cute shoes to the homeless.  However, I think instead, I will find a way to get some supportive shoes and donate them to those who need them in my area.  If I am going to be obsessed with shoes, I might as well use my obsession to help those in need.  “Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4).  This got me thinking.  What if we all used the things we love or are obsessed with to help those in need, the least of these?  It may seem like we are to small to make a difference, but one small gesture can make a difference to one person and to that one person it could mean the world.

“But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth” (1 John 3:17-18).  

What are you doing daily to help others?  Are you going out of your way to intentionally reach the unreachable, feed the hungry, cloth the naked, shelter the homeless?  I am embarrassed to say that most days I am failing at this.  I find this not to be a heart issue, because my heart is in the right place.  I want to help and serve and love.  My problem is of action.  I need to be waking up and intentionally planning how I am going to serve, help, and reach out to those who are in need.   I am going to start making that a priority in my daily life.  How can you prioritize those in need into your life?  I would love to hear your ideas and ways you have already served.

Death Of A Dog

Last week was a tough one in the Morris household.  We lost one of our beloved family members, our dog Eli.  He was the most patient, calm, and loving dog I think we have ever had.  He loved us all so well and he is so greatly missed.  There is an empty space in our hearts and our laps since we said our goodbyes.  We have another dog, and her name is Sadie—a Chihuahua—and she has been sad as well…which just makes it worse!  We lost a pet, a playmate, a friend, a family member, and a companion and for this we are all pretty sad.

Eli was sick for almost a week before we had to have him put to sleep, so we all knew it was coming.  I had to take him to the vet twice last week, once with my toddler in tow and once, the last time, by myself.  This was the first time I had to take one of my pets to be put to sleep and words cannot express how hard it was.  As a matter of fact, it was so hard I had to call my husband and give the phone to the vet so he could have the talk while I held my dog and shamelessly cried on the floor of the exam room like a baby.  Needless to say, I am super glad my toddler wasn’t with me that time.

My husband and I decided to wait to tell the kids about our precious dog until I got home.  All three of my children are so very different, so of course they handled the news in their own unique way.  My 16 year old son does not like to get all emotional, so he was just plain mad at the world…anger is so much easier than tears.  My 11-year-old son, who has some special needs, has difficulty processing this sort of thing.  He knows he is supposed to be sad, but he struggles to understand the full meaning of it all.  He put on his best sad face, and then asked, “so, when are we getting a new puppy?”  We tried to explain that it would be a while and that it was ok to be sad and to miss Eli.  He suddenly jumps to his feet with his left hand raised and his finger pointing to the sky and proclaims, “I know, I am going to start a mini paper airplane business” and promptly runs upstairs to get started.  Because when a person is sad, clearly starting a business will make it all better.  My three-year old had no idea what was going on so she just sat in my lap pretending to listen and loving on me as I tried not to sob uncontrollably.  Then the next day the two of us were shopping at Wal-Mart and we happened to walk by the pet supply section.  Suddenly out of nowhere she yells, “My Ewi gone mommy” and begins to cry—so I began to cry—and there we were crying it out, shopping at the Wal-Mart.  There is a chance I spent too much that day.

In the midst of the turmoil of the week I was preparing for my weekly Bible study that I am blessed to lead.  It is based on Ecclesiastes 3, A Time For Everything, and wouldn’t you know the verses we were focusing on were 3:6-7.

“A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; A time to tear, And a time to sew.”

Needless to say I could only focus on the “time to lose” for I had lost something dear to my family and me.  Though the study did not focus on losing a loved one, which was where my mind went, so I had a hard time focusing on the lesson and hearing what God had to say to me.  We knew we would get another dog eventually, but we planned on waiting about a month or so, and God laughed.

So Tuesday rolls around and I take my 11-year old to his horseback riding lessons and because of some scheduling conflicts I had my three-year old in tow.  I let my son head on out to his lesson while I remained in the car for a bit getting my little one’s shoes on and letting her go potty (yes, I have a small pink toddler potty in my vehicle,…whatever).  I finally go to watch my son and I see a small puppy and immediately my little girl said, “Yook mommy, my doggie.”  I will spare you all of the details, but as I am sure you have guessed, we brought the dog home and now have a new member of our family—Tessa.  She is a lab mix of sorts and totally adorable.  So here I was, mourning a time of loss and celebrating a time of gain at the same time.  God’s ways are always best and He is here for us even in the small trivial things of life.  God cares for our hearts in a way we cannot fathom and we don’t deserve.  I stand in awe of Him and His ways!