Have you ever tried to put yourself in someone else’s shoes to understand how they feel? Have you ever wished someone would try to see something from your perspective? Sometimes we can empathize with people and their circumstances because we have experienced something similar, other times it just makes sense to us. How do we handle the times when we completely can’t understand someone else’s perspective? How does the lack of understanding effect the way we feel about that person? Are we to quick to judge them without first trying to understand? How important is it really for us to understand someone else’s situation?
I tend to be the person who longs for other’s “understanding”. When I know I have been misunderstood I struggle (and usually fail) with the urge to try to make them understand and see things from my perspective. I am not really sure why understanding is so important to me, but it is probably because I need to be validated in some way. My love language is words of affirmation, so I suspect I am seeking affirmation. This can cause a real problem when my explanations are not met with understanding. Somehow, I end up feeling bad about me when I am misunderstood. I guess I feel judged or even like what I am feeling is wrong if others can’t understand. Perhaps I am, seeking understanding and compassion from the wrong source.
“The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.” ~Psalm 145:8-9
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.” ~ Hebrews 4:15
God always understands. God is always compassionate. God is always merciful. I know all of this to be true, but why do I still long for other’s compassion, understanding, and acceptance? It’s like I am a glutton for punishment or something. I know only God can fully give me what I am longing for, and yet over and over again I am seeking it from humans. Humans will let me down all the time, but my God NEVER will. I shouldn’t even be shocked when a human lets me down, I should almost expect it. I am human, and I let people down ALL THE TIME. Why do I put so much weight on what others think about me or how they feel about me? Well, because I am human!
One of my gifts from God is mercy. Showing mercy typically comes easy to me. In my mind, I show mercy because everyone needs it, especially me, and I love people enough to hand it out freely. Here is where my thinking deceives me; if someone doesn’t show me mercy then I think I must not be loved enough to be shown mercy. I believe people are worth mercy, so if I am not shown mercy then I must not be worth it. Well, now isn’t that a twisted thought process! I feel like it is a constant mental battle that I rarely win.
Ok, so here it is; anyone following my blog knows I struggle with my menopausal emotions. I know it is impossible to explain to someone why I feel the way I feel, or why I act the way I act when I don’t even know myself. You know the saying, “Fear is a liar”; well, I am here to tell you, so is menopause! I find myself trying to explain to people (especially my husband) that I am trying to get a handle on my emotions and I am struggling. I get caught up in explaining why I feel the way I feel in search of mercy, grace and compassion. Here is a piece of truth; I show compassion to everyone but myself. I seek from others what I can’t even give myself. I hate admitting that. I hate the way it sounds. Truth is not always pretty or easy. I know by admitting these things I am exposing myself to people who will judge me and not understand me at all, but I believe I am not alone in my struggles so I share so others will not feel alone in their struggles. If you struggle with any of this I want you to know that I get you, and I have all the grace and mercy for what you are dealing with.
I have a few friends and family members who struggle with autoimmune disease and/or fibromyalgia. These are unseen illnesses that affect their daily life and abilities. On the outside they may seem perfectly healthy, but their bodies are in a constant battle on the inside that causes fatigue, pain, weakness, and an inability to suck it up and just keep going. Many times, they tell me they feel misjudged and misunderstood. It is hard to understand how bad they feel when they seem to look fine on the outside. The unseen struggles are not unseen because they are not real. I can understand and empathize with them because my son has autism/ADHD/anxiety. He can at times seem perfectly normal on the outside, then his behavior tells another story. People tend to assume he is just a bad kid instead of realizing there are things going on inside of him that we simply cannot see or understand. What a wonderful world this would be with more compassion and mercy.
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ~Colossians 3:12
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. ~Galatians 6:2
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:32
Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. ~1 Peter 3:8
Though we are to seek God and look to Him for understanding, grace, mercy, and compassion, He does call us to give these things to others as well. Sometimes, as christians, we may be the only example of Jesus someone sees in their lifetime. The grace and mercy we give may be the first someone has ever received. We do not have to understand or even empathize with people. We are called to love ALL the people and what better way to show love than to hand out grace and mercy!
