Our Foster Care Journey

     Let me start off by saying, Steve and I never thought we would ever do foster care—ever!  We often discussed adoption, but never foster care.  I felt I could never do it because my heart wouldn’t be able to handle returning the children.  I am the type of person who gets attached to the baby in line behind me at Wal-mart.  I just knew I was not capable of being a temporary parent for children because I absolutely knew I would want to keep them all, and then be completely heart-broken when I couldn’t.  Sometimes we think we know our own limits and then God shows us new limits we never thought we could reach.

     Soon after adopting Tony I was ready to start the paperwork to adopt again.  Steve, on the other hand, was not as eager.  He said he didn’t object to the idea, he just simply wasn’t ready yet.  He seemed to be teetering back-and- forth with his decision.  Sometimes he seemed like he was on board, so I would fill out the packet of paperwork, then he would change his mind and say we needed to wait.  This went on for almost nine years.  Each time we talked about adopting the conversation would lead to hurt feelings and harsh words.  It got to the point we would avoid talking about it.  Avoidance, however, did not take my desire away, nor the empty space in my heart that had been saved for a precious little girl.

     When we moved to Virginia, we were blessed to find an awesome church home, Mount Ararat Baptist Church.  It just so happens that this church was a strong advocate for foster care and adoption.  We were inundated with adoption and foster care stories—I was in heaven!  Once again, I began the conversation about adoption, but this time God was calling me to foster-to-adopt.  Steve reluctantly got on board, so I began to pursue the process.  I collected all the information regarding what we would need to do and presented it to Steve.  Then he drops the bomb—“I don’t want any more kids, Stacy.  I am satisfied with the two boys we have.”  My heart was broken and I felt crushed under the weight of this disappointment.

     I prayed and prayed, and then I prayed some more.  I questioned God, doubted God, yelled at God, and cried at the feet of God.  I quickly realized I was going to have to be honest with Steve about my feelings.  I went out to the garage where he was detailing our cars.  I explained to him my heart’s desire for a little girl and tried to explain how hard this was for me.  I told him, “I have to respect your wishes here, but you also have to respect my feelings.  I have planned for this little girl in my mind; I’ve named her, picked out her wardrobe, decorated her bedroom, imagined all the girl things we would do together, and planned her wedding.”  I explained that this little girl was very real to me, as real as if she was actually in our home.  Steve telling me we couldn’t have her felt like the death of my little girl.  I told him that I would need time to mourn the loss of this little girl and that I needed him to be patient with me.  All of this I had to tell him through my tears and brokenness and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  I began keeping a worry/prayer journal to help me heal during this time.  It was so helpful to me.  Steve and I didn’t discuss adoption anymore during this time.

     One night Steve decided to take me to dinner at Red Lobster.  After we were seated he explained that he believed we needed to pursue foster-to-adopt.  His speech was clearly heart-felt and real, but I wasn’t buying it.  I told him that I simply couldn’t go through this again and that if he truly wanted to do this he was going to have to fill out the paperwork.  He agreed and I tried my best to hold back the tears, which came spilling down my cheeks.  He was true to his word and filled out all the paperwork and we were off on our journey.  We took our classes, had our finger prints done, completed our physicals, turned in our paperwork, and completed our home study as quickly as we could.  It was then one of those, “hurry up and wait” scenarios.

     On October 25, 2012 we got a call about a 14-year-old girl that needed a home.  We had originally said we wanted a girl five or under, not yet in school, but my preference was a baby or toddler.  Needless to say, a 14-year-old was a bit older than what we had originally hoped for--but God had a plan.  Steve and I felt like God had been working on our hearts and challenging us with this question; “Are you going to help these children, the least of these, or not?”   Until we received this call we hadn’t shared this with each other.  We agreed we needed to take this girl in, but we wanted to make sure our oldest, Lance, was on board since she was older than him.  I went to the middle school, pulled him out of class, took him outside, and through tears told him what was going on.  I asked him how he felt about it and bless his precious heart, he said, “we have to take her mom…we just have to!”  We hugged, I sobbed some more, and I let him go back to class.  I called the social worker as soon as I was back in the car to let her know we were all-in.

     We loved this precious girl from the moment we saw her!  I actually thought that maybe she was the girl I had been waiting for and she would be the one to complete our family.  Then, on November 14, 2012 we received another call.  I had gone through a couple of tough days dealing with foster care situations and was feeling a bit beaten down.  Steve was trying to give me a pep talk before he left to go to his seminar.  He instructed me to “prosper…but don’t multiply while I am gone.”  No more than 15 minutes later I received the call about a six-month-old baby in need of a home.  That was an amazing call to make to Steve, filled with joy, tears, shock, awe, and praise for how our God loves us well.  God was fulfilling His promises in spades and we were overwhelmed with His blessings.

     Our first foster daughter left in January of 2013, and it was harder than I had ever imagined.  Even though my heart hurt to see her go, the blessings that were poured on us because we simply loved her were worth it—so worth it!  Our next two were bothers, four and five, and a total handful.  They made us question our calling to foster, but in the end (a little over three months) our time with them was filled with blessings and success.  In July of 2013 we welcomed a sibling group of three; two boys and a girl.  Though they did not stay with us long, they will remain in our hearts forever.  Our last foster child so far, entered our home and hearts in January of 2014.  She was only with us for a few days, but we have been able to keep in touch with her through social media.  We are not sure where this journey is going to take us next, but we do know whom we will be following to get there.  “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future,” (Jeremiah 29:11).