Let's Talk About Weight

Here is the deal, people; I am a realist! I can usually see things for what they are--temporary! I know I have a tendency to be pretty hard on myself, but at the end of the day, I know who I am. I am a child of God, Christ follower, wife, mom, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, and a Texan (that’s important, ya know!). There are other words that describe me, but don't define me, like I have brown hair, I'm 5'6", I love horses and chickens, I love being outside, I'm an avid TV watcher, Houston Texans fan, and I'm overweight. It's that last one I am going to focus on a bit.

Just because I say I am overweight, or I have fat, or my legs are big, doesn't mean I am in some way insulting myself. My weight, or recent struggles with it, does not define me, control me, or make me who I am. My weight is just a current fact in my life. Let me be clear, I am not saying I am qualified to be on “My 600lb Life” or anything. I realize I am not grossly obese, but I am, in fact, overweight!

I have not struggled with my weight my entire life. I was always just average sized and never really had to worry about it. I became an aerobics instructor when I was 20 years old and then really didn't have to worry about my weight. I gained a lot of weight being pregnant with my oldest son, but enjoyed every pound! I lost the weight nice and steady and got back to within 5 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight while continuing to teach aerobics and personal train clients. My weight fluctuated off-and-on through the years, but not by much.

At 35 years old, I gave up teaching aerobics to help my middle son with his special needs. We moved to Massachusetts and I began gaining weight almost immediately. It was hard for me because for the first time my weight was not going to take care of itself. I had to face the hard, cold reality that I was going to have to figure out how to watch what I eat and discipline myself to exercise. It was a struggle for sure.

I managed to lose most of the weight I gained by becoming a foster mom. Kids can really keep me busy and moving, especially some of the kids we had! Just as I was feeling like I had a handle on my weight and eating habits, I developed internal pain that resulted in the need for a full hysterectomy. Between that and the 2-year hormone supplement roller-coaster I was prescribed, my body became totally confused.

Today, I am exercising, trying to eat healthier than I ever have by watching my sugar intake and trying to eat earth-grown food as much as I can. I also take vitamins and supplements believing that my body will respond…soon! I do not have body dysmorphic disorder (a mental disorder characterized by an obsessive preoccupation that some aspect of one's own appearance is severely flawed and warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix it. ~ Wikipedia), but I am fully aware of my size. I have my moments, like most women, where I look in the mirror and hate what I see. There are times I sing, "fatty, fatty 2 by 4 can't fit through the bathroom door," but I know those are lies from the enemy and my lack of hormones. I may not like where I am weight wise, but I like the journey I am on to a better me. I am not a size 6 anymore, but that is ok.

I find it interesting that I have come under some fire from some of my friends lately because of how I talk about myself. I know they are trying to love me the best they can and I appreciate and love them so dearly! They love me so much that they don't want anything negative said about me, especially from me. Let me just ease everyone's mind. Being over weight does not define me, hold me back, or mean I hate myself. It is simply just where I am right now. I know that my body is not functioning the best it can at my current weight. It doesn't mean I am ugly or that I don't love or like myself. It just means I have some weight I need to lose to be a healthier me...period! Love me, but don't discount my journey by trying to tell me I am not overweight. On the flip side, it is best for your safety, not to stop me on the street and tell me I am fat either (just sayin’!). I am so thankful to Jesus every day that my struggles do not have to define me but they can change me and grow me beyond what I think I am capable of. My weight does not make me worthy or unworthy, that is Jesus' job. I am on my journey. I love Jesus, my family, and my friends with all my heart. I love myself as a child of God and I am following Him on my journey of life. And God willing, I will get to a healthier me!