Mirror of Lies

There are a lot of people on my Facebook and Instagram news feeds that are really into health and fitness. Many of them post selfies of their progress on a weekly basis. I enjoy seeing the fruits of their hard work and I am always so proud of their efforts and results. I love to see people setting goals and reaching them. Many times, these posts encourage to me to get up and move and do something healthy for my body. Here is the part I have been struggling with: too many times I read comments about how they can’t wait to be proud of the person looking back at them in the mirror. They are longing for the day when they can be proud of their appearance so they can be proud of themselves, and in some cases, even like themselves. This is the part I want to address today. This is what God has been working on me to improve about myself.

Here is a little back story. For those of you who do not know me, I used to be a total fitness nut. I worked at a gym in high school and loved working out. I even skipped school a couple of times and went to the gym to workout (sorry mom)! I started teaching aerobics on my 20^thbirthday, but had to give it up when I was 35 because of my son’s special needs. I never struggled with weight really, and even though there were times I would say I thought I was fat, the truth is, I never really did. I think I just thought that was what girls were supposed to say. I never worried about what I ate. I never had to make time to exercise. I never struggled to find the motivation to stick with it; my motivation was my pay check! It wasn’t until I had to quit teaching and we moved to Massachusetts that I really had any issues with my weight. For the first time I had to motivate myself to go to the gym. No one was making me do it, and no one cared if I showed up. It was such a rude awakening.

Now, fast forward to now. I am 46. I had a total hysterectomy when I was 40. I have no gym membership. My body is totally rebelling against any efforts I make to lose weight, and it appears to be uncontrollably gaining just to spite me. The body I see in the mirror (when I bother to look) seems totally foreign to me. I barely recognize it some days. The mirror is not my friend and I use it to fill my head with lies about myself. I have struggled for the last 10 years with my weight. Sometimes I seemed to be winning the battle, then others it appears I have given up the fight completely. I have screamed, cried, been angry, indifferent, and in complete denial and sometimes all of those things at the very same time. Sadly, this has been something I have laid at God’s feet more times than I care to confess and turned right around and picked it back up again the next time I looked in the mirror. I have definitely spent more time agonizing about it than I should.

            Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” ~ Proverbs 31:30

Here is what God has been telling me, “Stacy, you are oh so very much more than what you choose to see on the outside!” This is hard for me to hear and truly believe at times. I have learned to judge myself based on my appearance and I put far too much importance on my size. I am not trying to say that God has given me permission to let myself go and be fat and unhealthy. What I do hear, is that my focus should be first and foremost on God and not my appearance. Also, let’s be honest, when I look in the mirror I am only focusing on my physical faults. I hardly even notice my good physical attributes. I am choosing to focus on the negative and by default choosing not to focus on what God has for me. I waste so much time beating myself up for what I deem to be faults in my appearance. My worth is not found in my appearance. Let me type that again; MY WORTH IS NOT FOUND IN MY APPEARANCE! My worth is found in God and God alone. My worth will never be found in a mirror. God does not look at my appearance to determine my worth.

            But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’” ~ 1 Samuel 16:7

Here is what God says about me:

I am a child of God (1 John 3:2, John 1:12-13)

I am wonderful (Psalm 139:14)

I am saved by grace (Ephesians 2:8-9)

I am sanctified (John 17:19)

I am a royal daughter (1Peter 2:9)

I am free (John 8:36)

I am God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10)

I am created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27)

I am loved by God (Romans 5:8

I am chosen (Ephesians 1:4)

I am redeemed (1 Peter 1:18-19)

I should stand in the mirror and tell myself those things instead of my negative self-talk about my appearance. Whether I am fat or thin or anything in between, I am still precious to God and still enough. I know I need to take care of myself, but I need to do it for the purpose of being ready for all God has called me to do, not so I can look good in a swimsuit. I know I need to exercise my body, but more importantly, I need to exercise my spirit and my faith.

            For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” ~ 1 Timothy 4:8

God has given me this body to use while I am here on earth. I do not take this gift lightly. I want to care for this gift appropriately, but I do not want my focus to be on the gift, but instead on the giver. I pray I can learn to see myself through the eyes of God. I pray all of you are able to see your beauty and worth through the eyes of God. I pray I can instill this in my children as well. This I know, if I don’t practice this, my children will have the same struggle. They learn more through what I do than what I say. Go right now, stand in front of the mirror and proclaim the verses I shared above. Speak love and grace over yourself, even if you don’t quite believe it. Over time I know we can learn to see the beauty God sees in us.