Genius Lost

So, last week I typed out two awesome and insightful blog posts. I mean these were amazing and probably could have changed the world as we know it, except for one small tiny detail…I didn’t actually save them! For the love! Who in the world is dumb enough to do something like that? Ummm…that would be this girl right here. I didn’t realize I hadn’t save them until I went to send them to my editor, aka my hubs, and couldn’t find them. I was devastated, broken, and sad that the world would never know my genius.

I am sure you are wondering why I can’t just retype my genius. Well, I am a mom of a 16 year old, a 12 year old, and a three year old, enough said. I had a brain before children, a good one actually, but my kids have slowly stolen bits and pieces of it over time. Then, a couple of years ago I had a full hysterectomy, and now…I am just plain stupid! I had no idea that my brainpower was attached to my uterus, but clearly it was. I am just amazed I remember who I am every day and remember to keep my children alive.

I decided since I clearly have no blog posts to share with you I would share my accomplishment with you instead. Some of you may remember my post about my dirty little secret. If you don’t remember it, I recommend you stop reading right now and go to “Secrets Revealed” and read it first so this will make sense. The wow factor will be lost on you if you don’t read it first. Go ahead, we will wait right here for you.

Ok, glad you are back. Are you ready for my big reveal? Drum roll please…

Yes, I have cleaned filed, and put away that mountain of paperwork and miscellaneous items we were hiding under my desk. It took me almost a whole day to go through it all and put it away. Oh, and chase all the squirrels and rabbit trails that appear when a person is going through paperwork and files. I learned things about my children, my husband, and myself I didn’t even know. I am just thankful I didn’t find any unpaid bills, but slightly disappointed I didn’t find my lost brain cells hiding in there. Perhaps a million dollar check that I had overlooked would have been a nice find as well. Alas I found no such joy hiding in my pile of filing. I did find a Wonder Woman patch that I had apparently ordered last spring that I now plan to iron on some bloomers for my little miss sassy pants, so there is that!

At this point I would love to tell you that I have mended my ways and am now an avid filer and sorted. I have seen the error of my ways and have turned myself around for the good of the miscellaneous paper and the sanity of my husband. Sadly, however, this is not to be so. My end box is piling up as we speak and staring me in the face as I type. This is why I am blogging about filing instead of actually doing it. It’s not that I am procrastinating or avoiding per say, it’s just that I am approaching the situation from another angle, yeah, that’s it! I need prayer! Jesus needs to come save me from myself and my disdain for filing! If any of you love to file, I will cook for you while you file my mess!

Called...to Write

For as long as I can remember, I have been writing. Whether it was poems, stories, letters, short books for my kids, or starting adult books that I have never finished; I have been driven to create with my words. I have always told myself that writing is my personal creative outlet and that no one else would be interested. It's been like this secret life that I only share with a select few. Here I am in my 40's and I have never published a book, yet I have always secretly dreamed of it. I rarely, if ever, admit to people that I write, want to write, or dream of being a writer. I think I’ve been missing out on God's blessings here!

There are times in our lives that we feel we simply have to do something (even if we can't explain why); something gives us a sense that we are exactly where we are suppose to be.  I believe this is when we are on the right path and answering God's call on our lives. This is how I feel when I write...I feel right when I write. When I sit with my computer, iPad, pen and paper, or even my phone and begin creating with words, I have a sense of peace that is unlike other peaceful times I experience. The peace that comes from knowing I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. When I tuck my writing away and don't share it, I lose that peace and start feeling silly; like I am wasting my time. I believe this is satan sneaking in and trying to stop me from answering God's call.

What holds me back from accepting His call? Self doubt? Probably! Lack of confidence? Certainly! Feeling like I am not qualified? Absolutely! I have written tons of stuff over my life, but rarely have I shared any of it. What if my self-doubt is robbing someone else of a blessing that God has for them and my writing could have been His tool. How selfish I am? Worrying about being a failure, or told I am not good enough, has robbed me, and possibly others of blessings God has for us.

That is heavy!

Don't misunderstand me here; it’s not that I believe my writing is so awesome that it could change someone's life. What I do believe is that God's plan for my life, if I follow it, can do miracles beyond my wildest imagination.

I slowly began to follow God's call to write and share when I started this Blog in September of 2014. I was nervous and certain no one would read it other than my friends and family; and I thought they would only read a few of my postings. I was almost embarrassed to tell people that I had a blog. Who was I to think people would care what I had to say? What I didn't plan on was how much I would love to write these posts and how much I would enjoy your comments and interaction. I find myself writing posts in my head constantly. It has been therapeutic and way more of a blessing to me than I ever imagined. I had no idea that I needed this creative outlet so much. I have loved watching the number of views on my blog grow and grow. All this time I had been thinking that I shouldn't share my writing because no one would be interested or blessed by it. The truth is, I was robbing myself of such a wonderful blessing I had no idea I needed.

Here we are beginning a New Year. A chance for a new beginning—a fresh start! A chance to make this year different than last year. A chance to answer the call of God on our lives, even if we have been ignoring it for years. As long as there is breath in my body, it is never too late answer God's call. God never stops calling us, even when we ignore or deny Him, He still keeps calling us till our final breathe. I have no concept of that level of patience, but I am certainly eternally grateful for it. So this year, I am going to focus on what God would have me do with writing. How He would have me use it or share it. I am scared, nervous, nauseous, and super excited to see what He has in store for me. What if this is just the beginning?

What is God calling you to do? What parts of you have you pushed to the back burner that need to come to the front? What is God calling you to do with the gifts and talents He has blessed you with? Don't let another year or even another day go by without answering that call. He is waiting to bless you!

It Has Finally Happened

          We have waited 1,119 days and the day has finally arrived! We received our “Final Order of Adoption” for little miss sassy pants! So without further ado, let me introduce you to Elizabeth Faith Morris (we’ll call her Lizzy):

Her story is one of trials, abandonment, and loss; but also one of love, prayer, and lots-and-lots of faith. She has no idea what her story is yet; all she knows is that she has a family and is safe, loved, and wanted--every day.

            As I think about her story, I am struck by the power of family. We welcomed her completely into this family and she has flourished here. As a baby she would wake up in the middle of the night panicking, sweating, and crying. There was nothing I could do to calm her. The only thing I could offer her was my love, my embrace, and a whole lot of patience. I would hold her, rock her, and sing to her while she wiggled around trying to get closer to me. After much wrestling, she would finally relent and fall asleep in my arms, completely content and safe. I would hold her close a little longer and speak greatness into her as she slept. The amazing thing is that I am getting to watch that greatness grow in her and become a part of who she is.

            When Lizzy enters a room, people know it. I am pretty sure her personality enters before she does. She is a girly girl, but tough as nails. I always tell people that she is a bull in a china shop, but she is wearing a pink tutu and lipstick! She has no fear, but rarely ever wants to be very far from me. Her best day would involve the whole family being together, all day. She loves animals like no one I have ever seen…ALL animals. If you ask her what kind of animal she wants to have she will tell you “lots,” much to my husband’s dismay. If it were up to her (and maybe me), we would live on a farm with horses, chickens, dogs, bunnies, and maybe a cow or two.

            I cannot wait to see what God has in store for this little sassy spitfire of a girl. I know He will do great things in her and through her and I am blessed to have a front row seat. I am thankful for Jeremiah 29:11, “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ’plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” This has been our family verse since the beginning of our foster care journey. It has carried us though some tough and trying times and brought us to blessings beyond our wildest dreams.

            Her best is yet to come!

The first day we met her, the day she moved into our hearts forever!

This is the definition of "Sassy"

Not Lost On Me

    As I was cleaning my bathroom today I noticed this scene on the ledge of my bathtub.

Now to some of you this is just toys that need to be put away, a mess that needs to be picked up, perhaps a sign of a mom who is behind on her duties, but I assure you it is so much more. These dolls represent answered prayers and blessings God has poured into our lives. They are the constant reminders of a home filled with love, laughter, screaming, giggles, splashes of water all over the bathroom, hugs and kisses, and a family made by God. As I see the dolls on the side of my tub I almost hate to put them away. My precious little girl has placed them there strategically to dry them out before their next play date. She even laid out one of their swimsuits "like mommy does" so it will dry out before it is to be worn again. My heart is full and I am overwhelmed with thankfulness as my eyes begin to leak down my cheeks. The privilege of being her mom is not lost on me in this moment.

    For the sake of honesty, I must admit that I do not always look at my kid's toys and messes and become overwhelmed with thankfulness. Many times, I have overwhelming feelings, they just aren't thankful ones. For example, when I walk into my middle son's room and find this…

This death trap he calls Legos! The feelings I have usually involve screams of pain (as I have certainly stepped on a few of them), words that can only be thought because my children are in the room, and the desire for a large black trash bag to the rid me of this horror. Then there are times I peak around the corner and catch him building and pretending with his precious Legos and remember why we keep buying them for him. My heart once again is filled with joy and I forget the agonizing pain of stepping on one of those horrid little pieces. I remember how blessed we are to have him, love him, and raise him everyday. The privilege of being his mom is not lost on me in this moment.

    Then, of course, I turn to leave his room and am assaulted by the sight of my teenage son's room and my thankfulness begins to fade.

What does that boy do in his sleep? What do you think is in that cup, and how long has it been in there? And for the love of all things sacred, what is that smell? A teenage boy's room is not for the faint of heart. As I stand there, holding my nose, fuming inside because he simply cannot keep his room straight, I suddenly remember he is 16. In two more years I will not get to see this mess anymore (accept during holidays and summers). I will not be bombarded with the banging of his drums or the shooting sounds from his video games or even the sound of his voice yelling at his siblings for entering his pigpen he calls a bedroom without his permission. I am suddenly grateful for the mess, not the smell, and choose to take in the sights for they are quickly coming to an end. And, then, I yell for him to come clean his pigpen, because I am the mom and that's what I do! But the privilege of being his mom is not lost on me in this moment.

    I am blessed to be the mom of three precious, loud, messy, amazing children. Our children did not come to our family easily. It was a long difficult road that sometimes felt treacherous and lonely, but it lead to abundant blessings I wouldn't trade for the world.  “I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him” (1 Samuel 1:27).  All I ever wanted to be was a wife and mom. The fact that the Lord has been faithful to me and granted me what I asked is truly miraculous. The privilege of being their mom is not lost on me.

The Word "No"

What is it about the word “no,” that causes us such turmoil? Does this word cause us physical harm? Can it end our life? Will the world cease to exist if we are told “no?” Well, we all know the answer to these questions, and the answer is the very word we dislike…no. Somehow we have made this word the bad guy, when in fact this word gives us power, helps us to develop character, gives us boundaries, and allows us to grow. We have a false sense of fear when it comes to this word, so let’s dive into it.

I am the coordinator of the Cityserve ministry at Citymark Church.  Cityserve is our local outreach program.  I am eye-brow deep in the planning of National Orphan Sunday, which is November 8th and our church wide outreach, which is during the beginning of December (clearly I wrote this one a few weeks back, just go with it).  At this point I need about 10 of me, but I am thankful that God can do so much more than 10 of me could ever do!  Can I get an amen? During the planning of our outreach I have been making a lot of phone calls asking permission to do certain things for our outreach.  Needless to say I have heard the word “no” more in the past month than I probably have my entire life. I find myself dreading some of these phone calls when I know the ultimate outcome is going to be, “no.” I have to regroup at the end of each call and get myself together before making another one.  It is like I am allowing this word to make me feel like I am failing, when in fact it is really just directing me toward the places that have the “yes” I am looking for.

Isn’t that what “no” does? It keeps us from what we should not do or should not have and directs us towards what was meant to be. It guides us towards the goal while preventing us from straying off the path. This is why I use that word with my kids—even if they really believe it is because I want to ruin their lives and make them absolutely miserable. I tell them “no” to protect them, teach them, guide them, and love them. I tell them all the time, “If I didn’t love you, I would let you do whatever you want.” Sometimes they wish I didn’t love them so much.

As I have mentioned before in previous posts, I sell a line of natural health and wellness products called Plexus. I believe in these products with my whole heart and I know they can really help people. If I didn’t believe, I guarantee you; I would not be taking them or selling them. The thing that stops me from sharing with people about these wonderful products is the fear of rejection; the fear of being told “no.” Even though my belief is well grounded and my faith in these products is strong, I still fear the “no.”  I mean seriously, what is going to happen to me if they say no? Ok, let me think, hmmmm…NOTHING! It’s almost like a phobia.  Here is Dictionary.com’s definition of Phobia:  “A persistent, abnormal, or irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid the feared stimulus. A strong fear, dislike, or aversion.” This is exactly how I feel about the word, “no.”

I don’t even like to use the word no, regardless of what my kids may think. It makes me uncomfortable to have to tell people that I can’t do something. It makes me feel weak, or selfish, or even rude. I can get myself into a whole mess-of-trouble when I refuse to say no to something or someone. A dear friend once told me that when I have to say no to something that what I am really doing is giving someone else the opportunity to be blessed. If I never say “no,” then I am hogging all of the blessings for myself and in fact, being selfish. I really try to remember this—and perhaps chant it to myself—each time I have to say “no.” I read a book called “The Best Yes” by Lysa TerKeurst.  I cannot recommend this book highly enough.  Finding our best yes means having so say no to things that fall short of being the best. It means that we aren’t saying no because we can’t do something, or because we don’t want to do something, but rather because it is not a part of God’s best plan for us at that time. If you think about it, saying no can mean we are being smart about our decisions, not weak, or selfish, or rude.

In the words of the great theologian, Garth Brooks, he reminds us in his song “Unanswered Prayers” that God tells us “no” all the time, but sometimes we interpret that as unanswered prayers. God answers, but sometimes when we don’t like the answer, we ignore Him and keep searching for the answer that we want, not need. When we hear no we need to thank Him for guiding us and showing us the way. It’s like we are toddlers or teenage girls, just trying to get our own way at any cost. God ALWAYS has our best interests at heart—ALWAYS—we need to trust that, trust Him, and follow.

This aversion to the word no is going to have to stop. I am going to have to put in the work myself to change my thinking about this word. When I am counting my blessings each day I am going to start counting that word as one of them. With Plexus we are told to go out each day and get our “no’s.”  Each no brings us one step closer to a “yes.” I am going to change my mind to this way of thinking. Now I better go get back on that phone and go get my “No’s” for the day.

Here is a picture from Orphan Sunday at our church. Powerful, powerful day!!

The hubs and I being introduced by our pastor Steven Yoes...getting ready to do our thang!

My family of chosen ones!

These people are the hands and feet of Jesus reaching out to care for the orphans!