A Mother's Heart

The heart of a mother is an amazing thing. God created it to be so strong, loving, kind, and beautiful. A mother’s heart knows no bounds, no distance, and no time. A mother’s heart is steady and true and unwavering even if the mother herself feels she isn’t strong enough. The mother may doubt, but her heart doesn’t. The mother may waiver, but the heart stands strong. I am amazed and blessed at what God can do with a mother’s heart.

However, I know that there are some mother’s out there that don’t have this same heart. I know that there are mother’s that don’t treat their kids the way they should. I know this because I had some of their kids in my home as foster kids. I do not have an explanation as to why their hearts don’t beat the same way nor why they appear to not care at times; I wish I did. Having come through infertility issues and spending so many years praying and begging for kids to love, I simply cannot wrap my brain around it. I do know that many mothers try to do their best and fall short, or simply aren’t capable of making it work.  I can say this, God did not create a mother to be that way, but free will and sin nature can ruin God’s best creations. The sins of our forefathers are no joke and we all suffer them. One more point on this matter, some of the strongest mother hearts I have been blessed to see, have had to make the painfully hard choice to give their kids up to other families in order to give them the life they believe they deserve. I am forever grateful for these strong mother's and their amazing hearts!

So, my kids were watching Tarzan today. This movie gets me every time with its story of a mom’s heart. This mom loved a baby that was not born of her, did not look like her, and that no one could understand…at first. For obvious reasons this story is close to my heart. I am the mom of two kids that did not come from my body, do not look like me, and some people have struggled to understand why. I love how Disney puts adoption in so many of their movies! Thanks Walt!

There is a song in the movie called, “You’ll Be In My Heart” by Phil Collins. This song always brings tears to my eyes. As I was sitting as my desk sobbing I was really paying attention to the words (as I was belting them out through my sobs).

“This bond between us

Can’t be broken

I will be here don’t you cry

Cause you’ll be in my heart

Yes you’ll be in my heart

From this day on

Now and forever more

You’ll be in my heart

No matter what they say

You’ll be here

In my heart, always”

I mean WOW! As I sit at my desk, I have a view of my wall of kids; biological, adoptive, and foster, they are all up there. Those lyrics above are what I would like to tell each one of them. Once these kids were placed in my home, they were firmly planted in my heart forever and ever; they weren’t visitors, they became family. The ones who have moved on will always have a place in my heart, my home, and my life. I would take any one of them back in a minute. One of the kids in particular was extremely difficult to see go. The day she left was filled with tears and pain. I can remember crying with her and holding her and wishing she could stay. Oh, how I wish I could say these words to her.

I never thought I would be a foster mom, not in a million years. I didn’t believe my heart was strong enough. As a matter of fact, I still can’t believe I had the strength to get through not being able to keep each one of them, even the ones that were difficult. I can get attached to a baby in line at Wal-Mart and be sad when the mother finishes checking out and leaves. I feel like I at least deserve visitation rights or something. You can’t even imagine how hard it was to let go of these children that were brought into our home. We loved them, took care of them, and nourished them, then one day they were gone.

With foster care, once the child leaves your home, the chances of you ever seeing that child again are almost non-existent. How does my heart handle that? I am here to tell you, I have absolutely no idea! This is why I say that a mother’s heart is amazing. As a matter of fact, it is a down right miracle right here on earth. It is something that only God can create. When I felt like I couldn’t go on, my heart got me through. It continued to beat and love again with reckless abandon. That is the miracle, a heart that won’t stop.

I pray I always follow my heart, for I know who resides there—God!.. May I always believe my heart is stronger than I could imagine. Sometimes I think my mother-heart frightens my husband a bit. Every time he sees me holding a baby, his heart skips a beat, whereas my heart beats steady and true. Though I don’t believe we will be bringing anymore babies into our home—I may have promised this very thing to my husband, I have no idea how many more children will come through our doors and into my mother’s heart.